Last Kiss
by nina0286
Summary: How does that saying go "If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Well what if you pushed love away does it still apply? I hope so.  Last Chapter is up
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first fanfic please review and tell me what I can do to better my self and my story. I was inspired to write this story after listening to the new Taylor Swift CD.**

**Sadly I don't own degrassi or the songs by Taylor Swift.**

I stare at the groom this is my favorite thing to do at weddings this is where you see how much he loves his soon to be wife the way his eyes light up when she starts walking down the aisle the way he smiles and tries to hold back tears of pure joy for finally being able to call her completely his.

As I'm staring at the love of my life waiting for his bride I can't help but think that should be me walking down the aisle and I feel a tears slide down my cheeks.

I guess I need to explain to you the reason I am not the one he is going to marry, let's see where to start this story the story of my one true love. Let's go back 4 years in our life to the day I met him.

"Alli no one has notice the new me, maybe I should just go back to the old me" I told my best friend as I tried to put my glasses back on. I had just gotten Laser eye surgery and thanks to my ex-friend Jenna everyone thought I had gotten a boob job so of course no one paid attention to my eyes they were all looking somewhere else.

"No Clare just give it time please you look hot with your new haircut and Without your glasses!" Alli said while trying to take my glasses away from me. My glasses went flying and landed on the pavement when all of a sudden a hearse runs over them the hearse comes to a stop, and a mysterious gorgeous boy walks out the driver side.

"I think they are dead." Oh my god his voice was just as intriguing as his whole persona. I could not think straight I just mumbled something out about not needing them anymore because I had gotten laser eye surgery.

He looks up at me with those intense eyes and says "You have pretty eyes." I did not see that coming so I said the first thing that came to my head "I'll see you around?" "I guess you will." He said and with that he got in his hearse and drove away.

Who would have known that a pair of broken glasses would have been the reason that I met the love of my life? I sure didn't I always thought I would be much older and I would meet him at some church function, not at 16 in the school parking lot while he drove a hearse.

The next few months were filled with flirtatious comments between Eli and me. I thought we would never take our relationship to that next level until one day in English class Ms. Dawes gave out the assignment we had to work in groups of three and act out a scene from Romeo and Juliet but we had to put a modern spin to it, so of course Eli, Adam and I decided to work together.

That day after school we went to the park to film our scene Eli right away volunteered to be Romeo to my Juliet and then he even suggested having Romeo and Juliet kiss before they died. I took this as a good sign he actually wanted to kiss me. That kiss was so sweet and passionate at the same time when we finally parted ways I felt out of breath Eli Goldsworthy took my breath away it was the best kiss ever.

So you could imagine my surprise when the next day Eli completely ignored me, I could not take it anymore I went to look for Adam to see if he knew what was wrong with him.

"Maybe you should just give him space." He told me "So you do know what's wrong with him." "Great I went from being the third wheel to the in between" Adam complained "you don't have to be just tell me where he is at." I responded "his house I guess" "which is where?" Adam didn't answer he just gave me a look, 'great' I thought 'he is not going to give me Eli's address.'

Just then I saw something in his locker that would get me what I needed I took his Limited Edition Comic Book. "Give that back!" he protested, "Not without Eli's address." And sure enough he gave it to me.

So there I was standing outside Eli's house finally I got the courage to knock on his door he stepped out wearing his usual all black attire. "Eli I need to know why you don't like me if we are going to continue to be friends."

"Clare…" and then silence. " Eli if you can't give me at least that much after so many months of leading me on than I can't be around you." I hurt so much to say that but I had to say it I could not be led on forever if he never wanted to really be with me.

"Leave your bike here we are going for a drive." He said. I assumed we had arrived at our destination when we came to a complete stop but there was nothing around really just a convenience store.

Eli then muttered those words that had been hunting him for a year and a half. "This is where I killed my girlfriend." You could see his beautiful emerald green eyes start to fill up with tears as he said this and looked out the window.

I was shocked to say the least "come again" was all I could manage to say. "A year and a half ago we had an argument I said something's that I didn't mean she was crying and stormed off on her bike I did nothing to stop her I was too upset. On her way home she got hit by a drunk driver." Tears were clearly rolling down his cheek that was the first time I saw Eli cry.

"Do you see why I can't be with you? I like you too much to just be friends with you but I don't deserve to be happy it is not fair."

I could not respond to that there were too many emotions in me so I just looked at him and nodded. 'I will give him time and when and if he is ready I will be there' I told myself.

It had been three months after Eli told me his dark secret and I was still waiting but I was beginning to think he would never be over Julia. Until one day I found a note in my locker it said _'Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow. Meet me at 6:30 before school, you should know where.'_

That night I could barely sleep it was already 11:30 and nothing I was tossing and turning I wanted it to be morning already. I decided to get up and lay out the outfit I would wear tomorrow I went to my closet and looked thru my clothes I wanted the outfit to be perfect. I decided on a dress the top is white and yellow with a red belt and the bottom is a denim color I had only worn it one other time and Eli complemented it.

My alarm went off at 5:30 I had exactly one hour to get dressed and be at the park where we shot the Romeo and Juliet scene the day we shared our first kiss I was so excited but at the same time I was worried.

What if it was not Eli the one to ask me to meet him there? Or it was him we had continue to flirt and sometimes even hold hands but what if he just wanted to let me down gently. I couldn't think about that 'Stay positive' I kept telling myself. I put my dress on and then slipped on my red Mary Jane's shoes walked over to my vanity and applied some make up not too much I knew Eli liked a natural look on me. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time before walking out of my room I put on my yellow headband on my curly hair and put some gloss on my lips.

I arrived at the park at 6:25 I walked to the picnic table where we shot the scene and I could not believe my eyes standing in front of the table was Eli wearing black jeans a gray dress shirt with a loose tie around his neck and a black blazer and on his right hand he was holding a single red rose.

"You look beautiful blue eyes." He said as I got closer to him I could feel my cheeks change color to a crimson red "thank you" he gave me the rose and grabbed my hand and walked me to the picnic table. There was a picnic basket on the table. "I hope you are hungry" he said he took out two ham and cheese croissants and two orange juices from the basket and handed me one.

We talked, laughed and just enjoyed each other's company but as all great things this morning getaway was about to come to an end we had to go to school.

"Clare before we go there is something that I need to give you." My heart started pounding I thought he was going to be able to hear it from where he was sitting.

"Ok" I said as my cheeks again started burning you would think that with all the blushing I do around Eli I would be used to it.

"Here" he said and handed me my English notebook, my heart dropped he was giving me my English assignment that he had revised. "Thanks Eli I'm sure Ms. Dawes will be impressed that we finished the assignment two days ahead of time." I couldn't help but sound a little disappointed.

"Aren't you going to read it?" He asked. "I'm sure you did a wonderful job I don't need to check it." I said grabbing my purse and getting up from the table. "Edwards just read it." He said grabbing my wrist and sitting me back down.

"Ok I will calm down."

I flipped the pages in my notebook until I got to the one in where my assignment was at I read it and saw the revisions he had made I turned the page and on the next page I saw it, I swear my heart skipped a beat my cheeks were red again and I could feel my eyes filling up with tears, Eli had written me a note it said:

_'Blue eyes I know that the past few months have not been the easiest on you and I know that it is my fault. But you have to believe me when I tell you that it has not been easy on me either, to be around you having you so close to me and not being able to kiss you to brush your hair away when it gets on the way of your beautiful blue eyes. I want to thank you for always being a good friend for giving me time to be able to move on from my issues you are truly one of a kind Clare, I now understand that Julia would want me to be happy to care about someone again. So blue eyes I guess what I'm trying to say is Will you be my girlfriend?'_

I looked up at Eli after I finished reading he had his signature smirk "You know Eli Ms. Dawes was right about you" his eyebrows shot up "How so Edwards?"

"You are a little wordy" I answered giving him my own smirk. "Well Edwards it looks like I am rubbing off on you." He said sarcastically. "So what do you say blue eyes do you want to be my girlfriend?"

"Yes" I said we both stood up and hugged. There were we shared our first stage kiss as Romeo and Juliet we also shared our first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend. He wrapped his arms around my waste and I wrapped mines around his neck he leaned in and softly pressed his lips against mines his tongue caressed my bottom lip requesting entrance and of course I let it in our tongues were dancing around each other. I felt butterflies in my stomach and shock around my whole body I had never experienced a kiss like that.

Finally after what felt like hours but really just minutes had passed by we pulled apart our foreheads leaning against each other. "You are beautiful Clare and I am the luckiest guy in the world to have you with me, thank you for not giving up on me." I smiled and said "Thank you for this morning it was everything I could ask for."

We arrived at the Degrassi parking lot. Eli turned Morty's engine off and climbed out he came around and opened the door for me he grabbed my hand and put it around his waist and put his arm around my shoulder "Come on girlfriend we have to go and win cutest couple for the yearbook" he said with his smirk. I could not help but giggle.

We walked inside the school and ran in to Adam and Alli. "Dude this is awesome it's about time you made your move." Adam said while giving Eli their handshake.

Alli was much louder "Oh my god Clare I can't believe the two of you are finally together ooh I guess Drew and I better step it up cause if not we might be losing cutest couple to you and Eli!"

"See I told you we were a shoe in for that prize" Eli said in my ear.

We shared the best year and a half with Eli. We were inseparable the misfits as people tended to call my group of friends but we didn't care we were happy. But as I said before all good things come to an end and I guess our love story was not the exception.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to everyone that has read the my story I am glad that some people seem to like it and are giving it a chance. I have a few chapters already typed up so I will be able to update and in my story Clare's parents are together I can't have everything in her life falling apart, and the characters might be a little OOC.  
**

**I don't own Degrassi or any song by Taylor Swift.**

It was the middle of My Junior year and Eli's senior year we still had Ms. Dawes as our English teacher and we were still partners in her class.

Ms. Dawes always said she saw a bright future for the both of us so she took it on herself to send a piece that Eli wrote to one of the best schools in Journalism Columbia in New York.

It was a Thursday afternoon we were in Eli's room listening to music he was sitting on his bed leaning against the headboard and I was leaning against his chest listening to his heartbeat.

"I never imagined having Saint Clare in my bed." He teased

"And I never imagined that Mr. Doom would ever listen to Taylor Swift." I replied

"Hey it's you IPod I don't have a say on the music you play." He leans down and softly kisses my lips the kiss was just about to get intense when we were interrupted by a knock on his room door.

"Come In." Eli calls out.

His mom Cece comes in to the room. "Hi baby boy." She leans down and gives Eli a kiss on the top of his head. "Clare sweeties how are you?" She asks putting her arms out for a hug I get up from Eli's bed and make my way to her "good thank, you and you?" I answer while hugging her.

"I'm good, sorry for interrupting but Eli this came from you it's from one of those schools you always use to talk about." She hands Eli the envelope he looks at it and then glances a look at me.

I could not help but feel a little hurt Eli never told me he wanted to go to Columbia. Then Again why would he not want to it's one of the best Journalism Schools out there.

"Well open it baby boy" Cece said.

Eli hesitated "Go ahead Goldsworthy open it" I said trying to make my voice as steady as possible. Even though inside I wanted to scream 'please don't take him from me' I thought.

Eli opened the envelope and as he read the letter his eyes grew. I could feel my heart shattering in to a million pieces.

"They are offering me a full Scholarship." He said in a monotone voice. I felt tears in my eyes but told myself not to cry. Eli looked at me and I smiled. His mom hugged him and said "oh baby this school has always been your dream I knew you could do it!" Again I felt a ping in my heart why had he not told me this.

"Mom I didn't apply to Columbia" he said still shock in his voice and eyes. "Well if you didn't then who did?" They both looked at me; right because I did it I wanted the love of my life so far away that I sent an application to Columbia. "Don't look at me, I didn't even know you wanted to go there" I said.

"Well we have to go out and celebrate as soon as your dad gets out of the shower" his mom said thrilled.

"Do you want to come with us?" She asked me. I couldn't just standing here was too painful I couldn't pretend to be happy for too long.

"Oh I wish I could but actually today is the day I talk with my sister in Africa" I was so happy that we have to call Darcy on Thursdays.

She smiled at me and kissed Eli on the head then walked out of the room. Eli was still in a state of shock he was sitting on his bed just staring at the letter I sat next to him and put my head in his shoulder.

"Baby you have to believe me that I never told you about Columbia because I had given it up a while ago" he said with regret in his voice. He turned to see my reaction.

"I do believe you babe I know if you would have sent the application yourself you would have told me." I was really trying to sound happy for him. He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers he pulled my hand up to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on it.

"I love you so much Clare I have never felt like this for anyone before. You mean the world to me you know that right?"

"Yes Eli I know and I love you too"

"Ok then it's settled." He said while getting up from his bed.

'What's settled babe?" I asked getting up with him.

"The whole college thing, I will go to school near here so we can be together." He said it like it was the most casual thing in the world not the life changing decision that it is. "I can't let you do that Eli" I protested. Just then his mom called to see if he was ready to go. "Let me take a quick shower mom" he yelled back to her.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed a kiss on his lips I immediately deepened it I never wanted to stop kissing him his arms were wrapped in my waist and gently he laid me down on the bed. Everything was happening so fast I didn't know what was happening I started trying to take his shirt off. He stopped and looked at me his emerald eyes were full of lust I know it was hard for him to stop but he did he got off me and pulled me up "We will have plenty of time for this when we get married" he said.

I love how he won't let me lose my beliefs. I smiled and kissed him on the cheek "go take a shower" I said grabbing my bag and walking out the door. "I love you" he said before I left the room "I love you too Goldsworthy." I started walking down the stairs when I heard Eli's parents talking. I stopped mid stairs.

"Cece this is a good opportunity for Eli. This school is all he would talk about remember."

"Yes babe I know but I really don't think he will take it I don't think he wants to leave Clare."

"I know but this is a full scholarship this is good for him and us he have to do at least try and convince him to go" Bullfrog said.

"I just want him to be happy" Cece commented. "But I do get what you are saying"

"If Eli gives up his dream for Clare he might resent her later. I love that girl as much as you do I hope that everything works out with them but what if it doesn't and he loses both his dream and girl, what then?"

"Your right babe" Cece said while calling for Eli to hurry up I finished walking down the stairs and said bye to his parents.

As soon as I was outside I started crying I knew that his parents were right he might resent me later and this was his dream. I walk to the car that my parents gave me and try to calm down before pulling out of the driveway. I got home ten minutes later and head to my room to call Darcy.

"Hey Darce" I said as soon as she answered "Clare how are you?" "Not too good Darcy" I couldn't hold it in anymore I had to let it out and I knew my sister was the best to person to help me with this situation.

"What's wrong Clare?" She sounded worried I proceeded to explain to her everything that happened today and how Eli said he would stay here to be with me.

"I'm so sorry Clare I can imagine just how you feel I know it's hard to let the person you love go but sometimes you have to in order to let them grow. You remember when I came here Peter had to let me go It was for the best for both of us it hurts but if it's true love it will be ok I still hope to go back home and if Peter wants to we can pick up where we left off. I hope that helps you Clare"

"Thanks Darcy it actually does I know what I have to do now."

"Good I will talk to you next week then?"

"Yes be careful Darce I love you, bye."

I lay down and texted Eli 'I'm not going to school tomorrow everything is fine. I will see you after school at your house.'

'Ok see you tomorrow' he wrote back.

I was going to need the whole day to prepare for what I needed to do. I went to the living room were my parents were watching TV "Guys can I talk to you?" My mom looked at me and immediately looked at my purity ring and let out a breath "Sure honey what's wrong?" my dad asked.

"Well I wanted to see if it was ok if I moved in with grandma for the remainder of the school year?"

"Why Clare?" my mom asked in a worried tone

My eyes started filling up with tears again I couldn't stop them from spilling over when I told my parents about Eli. My mom walked over and hugged me "Clare bear I would do anything for you not to hurt like this." She kissed my head and looked at my dad.

"If that is what you want honey than its ok with us"

"Thank you guys so much I want to leave tomorrow once I say bye to Eli and I don't want anyone to know where I'm at." I ran upstairs grabbed my PJ's and headed to take a shower. Once I finished I dried my hair and curled up on my bed that was the first nights of many that I cried myself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here is chapter three that's two updates in a day I hope I get some reviews I really want to see what I can do to make this a better story. **

**Again I don't own Degrassi I wish I did but sadly I don't.  
**

The next day I woke up my eyes were puffy and red I tried to cover it up by putting some make up on so Eli wouldn't know that something was wrong. I said bye to my mom and went to run the errands I needed to before going to Eli's house. I had about one hour left before I had to go to his house so I went home to pack I put all my clothes in my luggage and put it in the trunk of my car I didn't want to come back home today It would be too hard to leave. I got Eli's sweat shirt and a picture that we took on our one year anniversary I put them on the front seat of my car and went back inside to talk to my parents.

"As soon as you leave Eli's house call us and when you get to your grandmas too, ok? My mom said while hugging me.

"I will mom I promise. Bye mom I love you, daddy thank you so much for letting me do this I love you so much." I could feel a tear but I couldn't cry yet.

I pulled up to Eli's drive way I turned the engine off and took a deep breath. This was it I knocked on his door and he answered I wrapped my arm around him and kissed him at that moment I heard thunder and it started pouring down he pulled me in before I could get too wet. We made our way to his room "I missed you blue eyes" he said while placing soft kisses in my neck. "So how was school?" I asked trying to stay focus. "It was fine, Clare about school I just want you to know that I told my parents that I am not going to Columbia I am staying here with you." He said taking my hand in his and pulling me towards him.

"But this is your dream Eli you can't give it up that easy." I tried to reason with him maybe if I tried to make him understand he would go without me having to move.

"Clare nothing else matters unless I'm with you don't you see that." He sat on his bed I pulled the chair from his computer desk and sat in front of him. "I want you to be happy Eli."

"I am happy Clare with you I don't want to lose you I love you more than anything else in this world."

Obviously he was not going to make this easy for me. I could feel the tears burning my eyes ready to spill over but I had to stay strong. I could hear the rain against his window I looked at him in the eyes and kissed him passionately but sweet at the same time our last kiss should be just like our first one. I pulled away and stared at his emerald eyes and I could not believe I was about to hurt him.

"Eli you have to go to Columbia it's for the best."

"The best for me is to be with the girl that loves me as much as I love her" 'here we go this was my chance just get it done with' I told myself.

"You can't throw your future away for me Eli I am not worth it" I choked out.

"Why would you say you are not worth it?" his hands were trembling and his beautiful emerald eyes started glazing.

I stood up from the char and another thunder was heard "Because I don't love you Eli!" I said tears were already rolling down my cheeks. He sat there motionless "you don't?" he asked. "I don't" I answered.

"Then why did you say you did Clare why did you pretend to love me why did you let me fall for you, you knew I was broken why did you give me hope that I could get better if you didn't love me?" he looked up tears were rolling down his face he put his hands in his face so I couldn't see him cry for the second time. I was frozen I could not give him an answer because it was not true I loved him more than my own life.

"Dam it answer me Clare why did you play with me?" He said while getting up from his bed and walking to the window.

"I'm sorry Eli I never meant to hurt you" I had my arms wrapped around my chest trying to keep from running to him and kissing him and tell him I was lying.

"You didn't mean to hurt me? What do you think you are doing now!" he banged his head on the wall next to the window. "So all those times we were together when you would say you loved me, you were pretending?" he choked out.

I couldn't stand to see him like this I grabbed his Deadhand shirt while he was staring out the window and put it in my bag I started to walk towards the door "I am so sorry Eli I hope you can forgive me one day." He turned to look at me his eyes were bloodshot from crying "Just get out please" he said and turned back to the window. I felt my heart break I ran down the stairs and out the front door I slammed it, it was still raining I ran to my car and just broke down I could not believe that I lied to the love of my life that I broke his heart. I took my phone out and dialed my mom's number.

"Honey how are you doing" she asked that was a stupid question I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my body. "I've been better mom, I just left Eli's house I am going to drive up to grandma's house."

"Ok Honey let us know if you need anything." "I will mom thanks again for everything I love you" I hung up the phone and pulled out of Eli's driveway for the last time as I passed by his house I saw his shadow in the window looking out. 'I hope you can forgive me Eli I did it for you baby you deserve the best' I said to myself.

The drive to my grandma's house took about two hours but it was the longest two hours of my life all I could think about was the hurt in Eli's voice and the tears in his face. I finally reached my grandma's house the rain had stopped and you could see the stars shinning in the sky I pulled out my purse and Eli's sweat shirt and walked to the front door I didn't even have to knock my grandma immediately opened the door for me.

"Oh Clare bear honey come in" She said as she put her arms around me and helped me in the house. "Thank you for letting me stay here with you nana" I said as I sat on the couch. My grandma went in to the kitchen and came back out with a tray with cookies and tea.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" She asked with worried look while handing me a cup of tea.

"There is not much to say Nana, Eli…" I had to take a deep breath just saying his name sent a shot of pain to my heart. "He got a full scholarship to Columbia."

"And?" she asked wanting me to continue but I couldn't not at the moment my heart was in pain I knew I had to tell her the whole story but not at this moment maybe tomorrow.

"Nana I am really tired can I just get my bags and head up to my room I really need a hot shower and sleep right now."

"Of course baby let's get your bags and get you settled in your room we can talk tomorrow." She grabbed the cup of tea from my hand and took it back to the kitchen.

We got my bags out of the car in complete silence we went up to my room and I looked around at all the pictures of Darcy and me that she had in the walls I couldn't help but smile at the memories when life was less complicated.

After putting all my clothes away I grabbed my pajamas and headed to the shower I waited in till the water was hot enough and got in I felt the warm water relax my muscles I washed my hair and body but stayed under the warm water a few more minutes. The hot water was already going out so I decided it was time to get out. I put my pajamas and headed to bed not even bothering to dry my hair.

That night I guess I was more tired than I thought because as soon as I laid my head on my pillow I fell asleep I didn't even dream that night.

I woke up the next day and looked at time it was 11:48 I could not believe I slept in so late I grabbed my phone from the night stand and dialed my dad's number after two rings he answered.

"Clare honey how are you feeling?" he asked with a concerned tone.

"I'm ok dad" I lied "sorry I didn't call when I got to Nana's house I was just too tired."

"It's ok your Nana called and told us you had gotten there ok, oh and Adam called the house apparently he has been trying to call your cell, did you not give him your new number?"

"I don't want anyone but you, mom and Darce to have this number." I told him

"Ok I will make sure to tell your mom not to give out the number, I love you Clare bear I hope everything works out for you I will see you next weekend when we go up to Nana's house."

"Ok daddy I love you." And with that I hung up I set my phone on the nightstand and turned the TV on and flipped thru the channels I left some random movie on I was not really paying attention to it I was lost in my thoughts.

"Clare honey can I come in?" my grandma said pocking her head in the door I looked up to her and smiled and waved for her to come in.

"It's 3:30 and you have not gotten out of bed or eaten anything at all, that is not healthy Clare, I brought you a glass of milk and a jelly sandwich." She said while placing the tray on the nightstand. I sat up on my bed and grabbed the glass of milk and took a sip.

"Are you finally going to tell me what happened with you and that boy?" she asked.

"Like I told yesterday he got a scholarship to Columbia, a full scholarship Nana. Apparently it had always been his dream to go there but he never told me, he said he did not apply there though so I'm not sure how he got in but he did. He told me that he was not going to take the scholarship that he would stay in Toronto to be with me but I couldn't let him give up his dream for me."

"Clare did you ever think that maybe that was not his dream anymore that maybe he really wanted to stay with you that you changed him so much he could not stand to be away from you?"

"No Nana I can't let him throw his future away if I did he might end up resenting me and I couldn't live with that knowing I was the reason he stayed. So I did the only thing I could I told him I didn't love him." Tears filled my eyes as I remembered the look in his face when I said that.

"Oh honey" she pulled me in for a hug and rubbed circles in my back to make me feel better. "I know you want the best for Eli but maybe just maybe he knew you were the best and that's why he wanted to stay."

I looked up at her and said "How does that saying go 'If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.' That's what I did Nana I had to let him go." I said in the middle of sobs.

"But what if you push love away does that saying still apply?" She asked wiping away my tears.

"I hope so Nana because I did this for him." I finished my sandwich and glass of milk and laid back down it was barely 6:20 in the evening but I fell asleep I didn't want to be awake I wanted this days to be over with.

**I hope I get some review but I won't say that if I don't get review I won't update.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you to the people that have review the story I really appreciate it. I hope everyone likes the story. **

**I do not own Degrassi or Taylor Swift.**

It's been almost a week since I arrived at my grandma's house I have been going to school and doing homework that is about but I think it is finally time to check in on my friends and him.

I get the courage and dial Allis number first of course I block the number so she won't have it. After the third ring I hear her "Hello" she says with a suspicious voice.

"Alli" I said that was all I could get in before she started yelling.

"Oh my god Clare where are you, are you ok, why did you leave, you have no idea how worried we have been, Adam Calls me every day to see if you have called and Eli poor Eli he is practically a zombie he goes to class but does not talk to anyone, and "

"Alli" I interrupt he, she stays quiet so I take it as a sign that it's my turn to talk.

"I can't tell you where I'm at all you have to know is that I'm ok and I miss you guys so much."

"Clare…" she said with a sad tone "why did you leave?"

"I just had to Alli it was for the best ok that is all I can say right now. I will call you at least once a week to see how everyone is doing." I told her.

"Ok Clare I hope you know what you are doing, Adam told me about you and Eli and I have known you for a long time I know you would not play games with his heart so why did you break it Clare just tell me why he did not deserve that he treated you the way I wish a guy would treat me with love and respect."

"I have to go Alli I will call you next week." With that I hung up I could not answer her without breaking down and telling her the real reason I left.

The next person on my list to call was Adam. "Hello" he sounded tired.

"Adam hey, how are you?" I asked holding back tears I never realized I would miss my friends so much.

"Clare! I'm good but what about you where are you?" He sounded excited.

"I can't tell you where I'm at but I'm good Adam."

"Have you called Eli? He is the living dead without you Clare."

"No I have not called and I don't want you to tell him I called." I said in a stern tone.

"Ok Clare."

"Adam how is he is he really as bad as Alli said?" I asked

"He doesn't seem to want to live Clare Ms. Dawes threw a mini party in class for him for the whole Columbia thing it seems she sent the application in, but he walked out in the middle of it I went to look for him and I found him sitting against your locker slamming his head on it. I have never seen him like this not even with the whole Julia situation."

"Oh" that was all I could say.

"With Julia he knows that she was taken from him she didn't have a choice, but with you, you did have the choice to be with him but you chose to leave him and that Clare was not cool, he loved you more than life.." he was interrupted by a knock in his door "come in" he called out.

"Hey Adam want to go get something to eat before the movie?" It was Eli his voice sounded different like it was someone else. My heart was pounding against my chest I was having trouble breathing.

"Yeah just a minute" Adam said.

"I will call you next week don't tell him I called." I hung up I threw myself on the bed and cried like a mad person until I grew tired and fell asleep.

I have been here two month my parents come up every other weekend and I continue to call Alli and Adam every week sometimes I even call Eli but after he answers I hang up.

This week has been really hard for me Adam told me that Eli was going to New York to get something settled before he starts school in the fall.

I finished my homework and log in under an anonymous FaceRange account I made I click on Eli's page and look at his status.

'In New York can't wait till I attend Columbia'

I tell myself that his happy but deep down I think he just wants to get out of Degrassi and every place that reminds him of us and it hurts.

I look at his pictures he does not have that many new ones he has some with Adam, Drew and Alli in the Airport I guess they took him there. His eyes are no longer bright as emeralds they are a dull green now and his smirk that beautiful smirk of his is almost gone. I can't believe I changed him so much but I know that once he starts school he will be happy.

I close that FaceRange and go to my old one. I open my pictures and there is a picture that Adam took of Eli and me we are in our picnic table in the park I am leaning against his chest and he has his arm around me we are not looking at the camera we are looking at our hand that are intertwined that picture was taken a week before I left.

I can't take it anymore I turn my computer off and walk to my closet I get the Deadhand shirt I took from his room and put it on I then put his sweat shirt on and sit next to my bed I turn the stereo on and hit play to my Taylor Swift CD. I look under my bed and pull out my old English journal. I read the note Eli wrote when he asked me out I had forgotten to take it out when I turned it in to get graded and Ms. Dawes read it and gave it an A+.

Tears started rolling down my face the soon turned to sobs I wrapped my arms around myself scared that I would fall over I laid down on the floor and cried like never before. "Clare honey are you ok?" my grandma asked thru the door I had locked it so she would not come in.

"Nana just leave I want to be alone please." I said thru sobs. I guess she left because after a minute everything was quiet.

I went back to that night I left I replayed it in my head over and over I remembered our last kiss the way he held me the way his eyes filled with tears when I lied to him about loving him. 'I had to do it' I kept telling myself but no matter how many times I told myself that it never made it better. Just then it started to thunder and the rain hit my window I looked up and I swear I saw Eli there staring at me with tears in his eyes hitting his head against the wall. I got up and walked over to the window but he disappeared I opened the window and the smell of rain took over me.

So many memories good and bad all came flooding back. The last day of my sophomore year we were at the park with Alli, Adam and Drew but it started pouring down so we had to run back to Morty, but Eli decided that it would be a good Idea to see me drenched so he grabbed me by the waist and would not let me go we were soaking wet in a matter of minutes.

"Eli let me go I'm going to get sick!" I hollered at him

"It does not matter there is no more school and if you do get sick I will be there to nurse you back to health blue eyes." He responded then leaned down to kiss me we stopped when we heard whistles from our friends that were inside Morty already.

I didn't get sick but he did I had to nurse him back to health. I smiled at the memories I turned to my computer desk and in the very corner I saw the only picture I brought with me when I left home the one we took for our year anniversary. I walked to it and looked at us smiling at each other he was helping me put on the gift he got me it was a white gold necklace with a heart locket in the front there was a lock and inside there was a picture of us and it said 'The best thing that is mine' I giggled I knew he listened to Taylor Swift. He kept the locket of the key to open the heart next to his guitar pick in his necklace.

I put the picture down and start sobbing again I never thought that Eli and I would have to share a last kiss I missed him so much thunder struck and I jumped up I walked over to the window to close it and lay back down on the floor I wrap myself in Eli's sweatshirt and imagined it was him that wrapped his arms around me.

"Eli I love you so much please know that I did it for you please forgive me." I said out loud hoping and praying he could somehow hear me.

It was 3:58 am and I woke up in a panic I looked around the room I could still hear the music playing I guess I left it in repeat. My heart started aching it felt like someone was ripping it out of my chest I hit the floor with my fist and started crying again after all the crying I had done I thought I was all out of tears apparently I wasn't.

I got up and threw myself on the bed I laid on my stomach and buried my face in the pillow I let out scream and started sobbing in my pillow. I guess my screams got louder because my grandma knocked on the door. "Open up! Clare please I need to know you are ok"

"Just leave me alone I want to be alone can't you understand that I don't want to be with anyone I only want the one person I can't have please just go away!" She left without another word.

"Just go away" I kept repeating in to the pillow. I finally fell asleep but the next day I didn't go to school I didn't leave my room at all. It had been 4 days since that night and I guess my grandma was worried that I still had not gone to school or eaten much, that she called my parents. My dad showed up in a few hours and walked in to my room I was staring out the window dazed when I heard footsteps I automatically said "I'm not hungry Nana" "It's not Nana" my dad said I turned to face him I tried to smile but I couldn't.

"Clare bear if you are going to be in so much pain then we should just take you home I can't stand to see my baby girl this distraught." He said while pulling me in to a hug.

"No daddy you can't take me back not yet he will leave in a few months" I trailed off.

"Maybe you should just talk to him Clare maybe he would understand that you want what's best for him."

"No dad he won't. I can't let him pass up this opportunity I promise I will be ok I promise" I said it more to make myself feel better than him.

"One last chance Clare the next time you breakdown I am driving up here even in the middle of the night to take you home, Ok?"

"Yes dad I promise." I kissed him on the cheek

"Well come on down your grandma cooked dinner and your mom is downstairs waiting for us." He said giving me a kiss on the top of my head as he got up.

"Ok I'm on my way" I said.

**Please review your reviews really make my day. I will try to update again today if not for sure tomorrow.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is a much shorter chapter than the other ones sorry oh and I should warn you the next chapter is just a filler. There are only a few chapters left in this story I am actually writing the last two chapters right now. **

**I don't own Degrassi I wish I did but sadly I don't.**

I have tried to keep it together for the past two months after my breakdown I still cry myself to sleep but I have learned to do it quietly so I won't freak my grandma out anymore.

I talked to Adam today he said that Eli's graduation is this weekend, he said Eli wanted to skip it but that Ms. Dawes wants him to read a letter he wrote for her class. He asked me if I was going to go I said no I don't want him to tell Eli. But of course I am going to see Eli graduate this is all I ever wanted for him to graduate and live his dream.

I am driving down there on Friday night and will drive back up immediately after the ceremony on Saturday.

Saturday morning I woke up in my old room in my parents' house I went to take a shower and put on a blue shirt and some blue jeans then I put my shoes on I turned my laptop on and sign in to my anonymous FaceRange account I clicked on Eli's page and read his status

'Graduation day tomorrow I head to New York I can't be in this town any longer.'

I closed the page and continued to get ready I had let my curly hair grow past my shoulders and I had grown so I didn't look the same as when I left. Either way I didn't want anyone to see me so I would go to Degrassi once the ceremony had started I guess being one of Mr. Simpson's favorite students had its perks he was going to let me watch the ceremony from behind the stage so no one would see me.

I walked in to Degrassi thru the back door I felt a rush of memories come to my mind I walked by my old locker and I saw Eli's someone had decorated it had the school color's and it said Senior and Graduate all over it I think Alli did this.

I walked to the Auditorium and Mr. Simpson was waiting for me he took me to the back and led me to a chair he set up for me.

The ceremony started and I zoned out until they started with the student's speeches Ms. Dawes introduced Eli. He walked up to the podium and took a deep breath.

"This is a letter I wrote for an assignment Ms. Dawes gave us a few weeks ago she asked what or who changed our lives and if it was for the better or for the worst. Here is what I wrote"

_'My life has been a roller coaster there were ups and downs one of the lowest points in my life was when I lost the girl I thought was the love of my life I blamed myself for her death and shut everyone from my life. Until I came here to Degrassi on my first day of school I met a blue eyed girl'_

I felt my cheeks burning and my hands shaking after all this time he still had this effect on me.

_'This girl was so different from me, I am dark and she is bright I am quite and she is very outspoken but as the say opposites attract and I was very attracted to her. She accused me of leading her on one day but it was not that, I was just scare to let her in I was scare that she would see how damaged I was and she would run and I didn't want that I liked her too much I wanted to be with her all time if I could. Slowly I let her in my life she took care of me she understood me better than anyone else ever did. She made me change for the better she made me trust people again. That girl is the definition of perfection and I was lucky to have her in my life. She is the reason I am standing here today she helped me in every aspect of my life even academically, Ms. Dawes assigned us as partners because she said we both needed help apparently she had writers block and I was too wordy. Huh I guess I am but that was good enough for me to get in to Columbia so I guess its ok. So to answer your questions Ms. Dawes the person who changed my life was my English partner and the girl I love Clare Edwards, and did she change it for good or bad? Well you tell me I changed I am more caring more open I actually have friends and I am leaving this town for one of the best schools there is, so even though she left I know she had her reasons I couldn't be selfish and keep perfection to myself there are other people she needed to help other people that needed her to change their lives for the best just like she did mine.'_

"Thank you to my friends, Ms. Dawes, my parents and to my beautiful blue eyes if it was not for them I wouldn't be here or going the places I'm going at."

The auditorium erupted in applause and I could see Adam and Alli standing up in the crowd holding signs that said 'Congrats Eli' and 'Way to go, New York watch out' I smiled at the signs but had tears rolling down my face because of the letter Eli read.

They soon started calling names I would daze of sometimes unless I knew the person I was deep in thought when they called Bianca DeSousa she still had long curly hair and still walked like she was the best thing to ever happen to this school, she walked to the stage and hugged Mr. Simpson. The next time I looked up at the stage was for Mark Fitzgerald he walked up and did a little rocky dance I couldn't but giggle, just then they called Elijah Goldsworthy he walked on stage and shook Mr. Simpson's hand Ms. Dawes walked to him and hugged him his parents, Adam and Alli were cheering like crazy I silently clapped for him. He walked off the stage and I stayed staring at him I could see his hair was the same under the cap and I could see black dress pants and a white dress shirt under his gown. I waited until the called out Andrew Torres again Alli and Adam cheered I could not believe Alli and Drew were still together I always thought that they would end things soon that Should be me cheering for Eli.

As soon as Drew walked off the stage I walked out of the auditorium and headed out the school I got in my car and headed to my grandma's house. About an hour after I got there I called Adam.

"Hey Adam how are you?" I asked.

"Clare I can't believe you didn't show up to Eli's graduation he read a letter about…"

"Adam" I interrupted him "I did go I heard him reading his letter I saw him walk on stage and receive his diploma I saw everything." I told him

"Oh, well why didn't you come to talk to us he would have loved to see you Clare he wants to know you are ok. I can't tell him you call because he will be heartbroken more than he already is."

"I know Adam but I can't talk to him yet not until he is in school and doing good for himself" I trailed off.

"I know Clare you have told me your reasons for leaving already but I still think you should have let him make that decision for himself."

"I can't let him ruin his life Adam he would have stayed for me and I can't have that, you know the saying if you love something let it go"

"yeah yeah if it comes back blah blah." He interrupted me "Well Clare I will talk to you next week, you will continue to call even if Eli is gone right?" he asked.

"Of course I will Adam you and Alli are still my best friends."

"Ok bye Clare, I hope you don't regret this because tomorrow Eli will be in New York and you can't change your mind then, love you Clare."

"I know Adam, I love you too bye." I hung up the phone and put it to charge. I curled up in bed and fell asleep.

**Please don't forget to review I really like to know what everyone thinks of the story. Also thank you to those of you have reviewed it.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you guys for your reviews as I said before this is a filler chapter so it's short that is why I did two updates in one day, but in the next chapter Eli makes an appearance (Everyone faints including me.)**

**I do not own Degrassi.**

It's August and I am about to start my senior year in school I moved back in with my parents so I could go to Degrassi with Alli like we had always planned. Ali is still with Drew and I can't help but be jealous of them Drew went to a school near here and they see each other every other day and the weekends.

"You and Eli could have done this arrangement too Clare" Alli said while we were walking in to the school.

"Alli I really do not want to talk about this ok let's drop it." I said irritated that she always tried to tell me I was wrong in my decision. I was not wrong.

"Ok sorry" she said getting to her locker to put in her books away.

"Hey girls are you already bickering?" Adam asked from behind us. I turned and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Real mature Clare" he joked while slightly moving me so he could open his locker I looked inside and saw a picture of Alli, Drew, Adam and Eli everyone is laughing except Eli he has a small smile but you could barely tell it's a smile. Adam catches me looking at the picture and immediately closes his locker.

"So Eli is doing well in school he is taking a lot of classes I guess he wants to keep busy." Alli tells Adam but I knew she wanted me to hear it. She still does not understand and I don't expect her too. They continue chatting and I wave to them and head to class.

I just want this school year to be done with so I can move on.

December came by sooner than I expected we spent the break at my grandma's house. I always asked Adam and Alli how Eli is doing they keep me up to date on everything apparently he is doing really good he likes school and is taking a lot of classes because he wants to graduate ahead of time. When I get news like this is when I don't regret the decision I made.

Graduation was just a few days away and I was the valedictorian so I had to prepare a speech while also packing for school and getting everything ready for my sister's arrival. After so many years in Africa she was finally going to come home. She would arrive the day before my graduation so I was excited.

The day of our graduation Alli and Jenna came over to my house to get ready. I had patched things up with Jenna when I came back home for senior year, I even baby sat her baby Jasmine whenever she wanted to go out with KC. Even they didn't understand the reason I gave up on love. But none of that matter at this moment all I cared about was getting this day over with.

Alli, Adam and I had been accepted to the University of Toronto where Drew goes. So Alli and I would be roommates and Adam and Drew would be roommates.

Jenna and KC decided to go to Community College in order to also work and take care of Jasmine. When we finished getting ready KC and Adam came over to have our pictures taken in my back yard.

We headed to Degrassi for the last time. As I walked in I felt a mix of emotions I walked to Ms. Dawes classroom and sat in my old desk until Alli walked in and said it was time to get the show on the road.

Mr. Simpson was up first he gave a speech but I couldn't concentrate I was too nervous about my speech to pay attention. Ms. Dawes introduced me and I made my way up to the microphone I looked out at my friends and classmates and I couldn't believe we had finally made it to this day, I took a deep breath and Started.

"Fellow class mates, can you believe we made it to this day? Faculty and family thank you for helping us get to this day without you all we would be lost.

We started this journey four years ago and it is sad to think that it is coming to an end. We have so many memories in this school it became like our second home. As I look out to all my classmates I think about all the times we shared together some of us have known each other since freshman year others we met down the years here at Degrassi. We have made friends lost friends and reconnected with them again, but nothing we have learned here can fully prepare us for everything we will face out there in the real world. Our Teachers and family can only hope that we can somehow learn from them. I know I take some great memories from this place I take two awesome best friends the best ones anyone can ever ask for. I hope everyone was as blessed as I was to have that group of friends that are not even friends they are family they see you through the thick and the thin and see all your flaws and still stand by you no matter what. Then there is that special someone that makes your heart skips a beat every time he walks in to the room. Without teachers, family, friends and to some of you just love to me my true love, we would have never made it this far. Congratulation fellow graduates this is the start of the rest of our lives."

I ended my speech and walked off stage I had been trying really hard not to cry I wasn't doing a good job.

I heard Mr. Simpson call my name and I made my way to the stage to get my diploma and shake Mr. Simpson's hand. As I looked out I saw my family cheering I smiled and waved at them.

I had been in college for a year when Adam called me with news on Eli.

"Clare Eli is coming to town this week." I felt my heart beating rise.

"Oh" I didn't want to get my hopes up.

"Clare it has been almost two years since he left can't you try to talk to him?" Adam sounded exasperated. "He is doing well in school Clare he got so ahead that he is graduating next year what are you going to do then? He is going to move back to Canada."

"Adam I don't know I know if he wants to talk to me." I was scared of what Eli would say.

"Well call him he has the same number he gets in town tomorrow morning call him, don't let time pass you by don't lose love again Clare because truthfully I don't know how many times fate will put you and Eli together again." He didn't wait for me to respond he hung up.

**Please review your reviews they really make my day.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This chapter is really really short so sorry for it but it is setting up for Eli's return.**

**I do not own Degrassi.**

I sat on my bed and played with the necklace Eli gave me I still wore it. I got my phone and looked at my contacts I start scrolling and stop in Eli's name I debate for a while but still hit the call button 1st ring 2nd ring 3rd ring 4th ring 'he won't answer' I told myself and right before the 5th ring he answers.

"Hello" He's voice is still the same my heart started pounding against my chest even over the phone and after all this years he still had the same effect on me.

"Eli hey, how are you?" My voice is trembling but I try to steady it.

"Clare oh my god it's been so long, I am good and you?" I could hear the shock in his voice.

"I'm good, so I heard you are going to be in town this week" I trailed off.

"Yeah I get in town tomorrow morning at 9:15"

"Good so I was uh wondering if we could get together and catch up?" I hold my breath to see what he says.

There is silence for a few seconds until he finally says "Yeah sure, when do you want to meet?" Ok this is good I tell myself.

"How about tomorrow at 6:00, in the park close to Degrassi?"

"Yeah sounds good I'll see you there at 6"

"Ok, oh and Eli it was nice talking to you" I had missed his voice so much I just had to tell him.

"Same here Edwards." And with that he hung up.

I stayed in my bed just thinking of all the different scenarios that could happen tomorrow. What if he has some one in New York, worse what if he is coming home to introduce her to his parents? I couldn't help but giggle I sounded just like I did three years ago when Eli asked me to meet him in that same park where I now asked him to meet me.

Alli walked in to our dorm room and sat on her bed.

"What are you giggling about?" she asked raising one eyebrow.

"I talked to Eli we are meeting tomorrow at 6 in the park." I had a huge smile plastered in my face.

"Clare that's great it's about time you talked to him, are you going to explain everything to him?" She moved to my bed now and sat next to me.

"Yeah I guess I am, actually I really don't know what to tell him Alli. What if he has a girlfriend in New York what then?" I started to get worried again.

"I don't think he does Clare, I mean he has never mentioned it to Adam or me." Alli stayed really good friends with Eli.

"I hope you are right because I wouldn't know what to do if he told me he did." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes; I could still see his smirk and those beautiful green eyes.

"Well lady I am heading out with Drew and Adam, are you coming? She got up from my bed and walked to her closet.

"No I think I will stay in today and think of what I am going to tell Eli tomorrow."

"Ok just don't over analyze the situation ok, let your heart guide you." She said as she walked out the door.

I went to my dresser and grabbed Eli's Deadhand t-shirt and some shorts to sleep in.

I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling "Eli please don't have someone waiting for you" I said out loud 'please don't be in love with someone else.' It hurt just to think of him with someone else but I knew it was a possibility.

'Don't be in love with someone else' I kept saying to myself until I fell asleep.

I am meeting Eli in a few hours and I am really nervous Adam came by in the morning to see how I was doing.

"Everything will be fine Clare just tell him the truth, tell him how you feel."

"I don't know Adam what if there is someone else, what do I do then?"

"Well I doubt he does but let's say he does have someone you still need to tell him the truth that way he can at least know that you always loved him and you didn't just play with him. I have to go Clare I just came by really quick I have to go get Eli at the airport." He kissed me on the cheek and walked out of the dorm room.

I knew he was right I just had to tell him the truth.

**I know I said Eli would be back in this chapter but I decided to make it two chapters instead but he will definitely be in the next one that I am about to upload.**

**Please review I want to know how I'm doing.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Eli is back! No need to say anything else.**

**I sadly don't own Degrassi.**

My day dragged on forever I wanted it to be six already. Finally my watch said five I figured I will start my drive down there I wanted to be there before Eli got there.

I pulled up to the park at 5:45 as I make my way out of the car I feel my legs weak I try to calm myself and walk to a picnic table, not where we kissed that would be too painful, and sit there to wait for Eli.

I see Morty pull in to the parking lot and feel my heart pounding against my chest begging for a way out. The driver side door opens and a dark haired boy steps out. He looks around for a bit until he sees me.

He still wears his dark attire it is nice to know he has not changed much. He is wearing black jeans, a gray and black stripped shirt with a black vest over it and black converse. He gets to the table and sits next to me. He still has semi long shaggy hair and the most beautiful eyes, how I missed those beautiful eyes.

"Hey" he said not looking at me.

"I'm glad you were able to come." I whisper he looks up at me and smirks.

He is playing with his thumb ring looking down.

"So uh how are your parents? I have not seen them since I left for school." I ask him, I want to get him to say something.

"They are ok, and yours?" he just gives me short answers.

"They are good. So Adam tells me you have been busy in school that you graduate next year that is really good Eli" Again I try to make small talk.

"Yeah I've been busy." There are no emotions in his responses I don't know what to do.

"So uh the weather is nice huh?" Now I'm just trying to get anything out of him. But I guess I know why he is being like this he is guarding himself from me.

"Clare let's just stop the small talk and tell me why you wanted to see me." His tone is harsh but I don't take it the wrong way I know I would be the same if it was the other way around. I know he has not forgiven me for the last time we talked to each other.

"Eli I'm sorry about everything I said that night I didn't mean it I did love you I still do."

"Why are you doing this Clare? You hurt me so much, you left after breaking my heart, you didn't care about my feelings, and you left without saying bye you just disappeared how do you think that made me feel huh?"

"Eli" I interrupted

"No Clare it's my turn to talk two years two dammed years without any news from you and now you want to suddenly talk, I'm sorry if I'm not thrilled to see you but I am not a toy Clare you can't throw me away when you don't want me and then come back years later and try to get me again It does not work like that. You knew I was damaged after Julia you knew the pain I had to live through when she was taken from me and you still decided, you decided to leave no one made you leave Clare. The pain of losing you was unbearable many days I felt like dying."

"Eli I'm sorry but you have to hear the reason why I left." I pleaded that he gave me a chance to explain it to him.

"Clare I really don't know what you want from me after all this years." He got up and I knew if I didn't act quickly he would leave and I might not see him again. I stood up and grabbed his hand.

"Eli I love you and because I love you I had to let you go, I couldn't let you give up your dreams for me I couldn't let you stay here and hold you back from the great things I knew you would accomplish."

"The great things Clare we were the great thing I accomplished we were in love and I was happy for once in a long time I was really happy. Why couldn't you make me take the decision to stay or go in the end this was going to affect both of our lives?" He let go of my hand after saying this.

"Eli, just listen please! I didn't want you to resent me for making the wrong decision later in life I couldn't have lived with myself if you did. You are the love of my life and I will love you always I never stopped thinking of you Eli I never forgot the way you would wrap your arm around me the way your lips felt on my lips." I was in tears at this point.

"Ok let's say I understand why you did it what now Clare?"

"We can try to make it work maybe all this happened for a reason for us to grow up and mature. I wish that somehow we can go back to the way things were, what do you think?" Tears were rolling down my cheeks.

"I think you are right Clare" A smile creeps in to my face.

"Does this mean?" I sounded hopeful.

"It means that I think things do happen for a reason, and that us meeting here serves for one purpose and that is to give me closure. Clare for years I wondered what I did wrong and now I know I did nothing wrong in our relationship it is no one's fault that it didn't work out we were young and immature. But I do want to thank you for the time we did spend together being with you has been the happiest I've ever been and you changed me so much you made me better and I am grateful you did."

He kissed the top of my head and turned around I was left speechless he didn't take me back he was going about to walk out of my life forever.

"Eli just answer me one thing please." I choked out trying to hold back sobs he stopped walking so I took it as a sign to ask.

"Is there someone waiting for you?" This time I couldn't hide my sobs.

"No Clare, there has not been anyone since you." I didn't know if to feel happy or crushed.

I saw him walk to Morty get in and drive away I sat on the picnic table until the sun hid and the stars started shining all around me. I got up and walked to my car I turned it on and broke down I knew there was a possibility that he wouldn't take me back but I had prayed and hoped that he did. I couldn't drive feeling like this so I called Adam he showed up twenty minutes later with Drew.

"Clare what happened?" He asked while brushing my hair from my face I had cut it again because I knew Eli liked it like this.

"He doesn't want me back Adam" I croaked out my voice sounded so different from all the crying I had done.

"Let's move you to the passenger's side so I can drive you to the dorm room." He picked me up and took me to the other side of the car we drove in complete silence until Adam got a call.

"Hello"

"Ok, no it's cool you do what you got to do take care bro, yeah I will see you in a few months ok bye."

"Who was it?" I asked Adam. I could tell he was debating if to tell me or not.

"It was Eli he is had to cut his trip short he is going back to New York tomorrow evening." He looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Oh" I looked out the window and didn't talk until we got to the dorms.

"Clare what happened?" Alli rushed to the door to help Adam bring me in to our dorm room.

"He left he doesn't want me Alli he just left me I can't do this anymore I don't want to live without him." I was sobbing in to my pillow.

Alli was sitting on my bed brushing my hair away from my face. "Oh honey it will be fine I'm sure everything will be ok. It's like you always say if he is yours he will come back. Just don't talk like that ok it scares me." I knew she was trying her best not to cry with me she wanted to be strong.

"Adam we can't leave her alone I'm scared she might try something crazy we should just take turns staying with her until she gets better." I heard Alli tell Adam this I was supposed to be sleeping but I couldn't sleep my heart was in pain. I wonder if this was how Eli was when I left him.

**Please don't hate me. I just wanted this story to be different I have read a lot of stories were they get together right away and I don't like that. Please review I really want to know what everyone thinks of the story. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews they really make my day. Here is chapter 9 this story is almost coming to an end I am just rechecking the last chapters before I upload them so they should be up this week.**

**I do not own Degrassi.**

Three months passed since my meeting with Eli. I started dating a guy I met at a church function I attended with my parents his name is Josh he is really sweet and nice but he is no Eli I have not been able to get Eli off my mind. Whenever Josh kissed me the only thing I could think about was Eli's lips on mine. I really wanted the relationship to work to finally be over Eli, but I couldn't I was forever haunted by the memory of Elijah Goldsworthy. No matter how hard I tried I could never move on. I guess it didn't help that I kept up with what was going on with Eli thru my anonymous FaceRange account I just had to know he was ok.

Alli and Adam tried to help but no one understood that Eli was my soul mate I could never get him out of my chest. I feel like I am holding on to nothing like am gasping for air and I guess I am just broken and only one person can fix me.

After Dating Josh for three months I broke things off with him I just couldn't lead him on. I could feel him get attached to me and I couldn't have that. He took it fairly well which I was glad I didn't want to hurt another person that cared about me.

Adam, Drew, Alli and me all move back home for the summer. It was good to be home I had missed my room and my own bed. Darcy had gotten engaged with Peter while I was at school I was glad that at least for one of us that whole let love go worked out.

"Hey Darce, what time are we leaving tomorrow?" We were going downtown to run errands for her wedding.

"Around nine that way we can eat breakfast here and we will have lunch downtown." She was looking through a Bridal Magazine.

"Ok well I'm going to bed I will see you tomorrow." I walked up the stairs and grabbed my pajamas I went to the bathroom and turned the shower on and waited till the water was nice and warm. I got in and washed my hair and body. I turned the water off and got out of the shower I put my clothes on and dried my hair once I finished I headed to bed.

We had been looking at invitations and linens all morning we stopped at an Italian restaurant for lunch. After lunch we were going to go see Darcy's Dress and the bride's maid's dresses. As we were about to walk in to the restaurant I saw Bianca with a girl around Darcy's age walk towards us.

"Oh my god it's Saint Clare Edwards" She said as she stood in front of me giving me an air kiss the kind I had only seen Adam's girlfriend Fiona give her Sister in-law Holly J.

"Bianca, it's just Clare Edwards by the way." I said while also giving an air kiss.

"I haven't seen you since you left in the middle of my senior school year, how have you been?" she turned and gave Darcy a quick glance.

"I've been good Bianca how about you?" I felt awkward talking to her I had never been friends with her I probably only spoke twice to her while in school.

"Good, good so I see a Bridal magazine are you tying the knot Clare?" she eyed the magazine my sister had in her hand.

"Oh no I'm the one getting married in a few months." Darcy gave Bianca a fake smile.

"Huh? Well nice seeing you Clare I guess I will see you later since I'm moving back to town." She waved at us as she made her way across the street.

We walked in the restaurant and were greeted by the hostess she walked us to our table and handed us menus.

"So Clare who was that girl?" my sister asked while looking for her phone in her purse.

"Oh Bianca, I went to school with her but she was in Eli's class not mine." Just mentioning his name hurt every fiber in my body.

"I didn't like her" Darcy stated plain and simple.

"Yeah we didn't really talk to her she hung around with the bullies and was known as the school slut" Just as finished saying that the waiter came to get our order.

We made it home around seven in the evening. The invitations were picked out and would be mailed out in a couple of days and Darcy finally picked a dress. She let me pick the bride's maid's dresses. We got out of the car laughing and enjoying each other's company when I saw Alli sitting in the porch with her head against her knees.

"Darce I'll see you inside." I walked to Alli and poked her on her shoulder. She looks up at me with those huge almond eyes of hers she stood up.

"Oh Clare finally, why didn't you answer your phone?" She asks while wrapping her arms around me.

"I left it home and I was running errands with Darcy, why what happened?" I was beginning to get worried.

"Clare honey, sweetie you know I love you and Adam and your family do too." She trailed off.

"Ally, stop stalling what is wrong?" now I was annoyed.

"Well we have a problem" she says looking at her feet.

"What kind of problem Alli, you are freaking me out." My hands start shaking.

"Well uh here" she pulls out an envelope from her purse and hands it to me.

I take the envelope from her hand and as I open the envelope I look at Alli I pull out what looks like an invitation and read:

**_Bianca DeSousa_**

**_And_**

**_Elijah Goldsworthy_**

**_Request the honor of your presence_**

**_At their marriage on:_**

I dropped the invitation and sat down on the porch I was shocked. Alli sat next to me and put her arm around my back she started rubbing small circles in my lower back to make me feel better.

"I" I took a deep breath I didn't want to cry again but I couldn't stop the tears from cascading down my cheeks. "I can't believe I am losing him for good I always thought he would change his mind." I was saying it more to myself than to Alli and she understood because she stayed quiet.

Just then a car pulled up to the driveway and Fiona and Adam came rushing to my side.

"Clare, are you ok?." Adam asked me while trying to get me to stand up or at least look at him.

"Adam, why didn't you tell me why?" I was sobbing and had my head buried in Adam's chest.

He was hugging me tight and rubbing my back "Clare I didn't know I promise he never told me, I just got the invitation today. I called to ask him about it and he said he didn't want anyone to know until a few days before the wedding."

"When is he getting married?" I asked looking up at Adam.

Fiona answered this time "This Saturday Clare, I am so sorry sweetie" She took me from Adams arms and hugged me. My heart broke in to a million pieces I had to use all the strength in my body to not break down in front of everybody.

"With Bianca are you serious?" I was still stunned he was going to marry her.

"I know!" All three of my friends said at the same time.

"Apparently Bianca moved to New York a few months ago and ran into Eli and since she didn't know anyone Eli offered to show her around and somehow they ended up getting engaged or something like that, Eli was not making much sense when I talked to him."

I remembered that I ran into her today and she said nothing about her wedding, she knew Eli and I had history she used to make fun of how in love we were when we were at Degrassi.

"I ran into Bianca today guys, she acted super nice and she saw the bridal magazine Darcy had in her hand she asked if I was the one that was getting married but she never told me she was marrying my Eli."

"That slut! No wonder I never liked her." Alli said while sitting back on my porch.

"What do we do you want to do now?" Fiona asked me while wiping tears away from my face. I didn't answer I couldn't.

"I have to be the best man Clare you understand that right? He is my best friend I have to be there for him even if I think he is making the biggest mistake of his life." He whispered the last part.

"I know Adam I know." I whispered.

"Adam baby I want to stay with Clare and Alli for a while can you come pick me up in a few hours?" Fiona asked Adam.

"Sure babe, call me when you are ready, ok?" He kissed her on her temple and hugs me before walking to his car and driving off.

The girls got me to my room and asked Darcy to come in. Alli goes to my closet and takes out Eli's Sweatshirt and his Deadhand T-shirt and throws it on my bed in the meantime Fiona is going thru my room and takes everything that reminds me of Eli and throws it on the bed too. Darce and I just stare at each other.

"Ok" Alli begins "This is Eli right here are you ready to throw him out?" She is pointing of my pile of Eli stuff.

I look at it and then at the three girls it seems like my sister just caught up with what my friends were doing because she stood with them in front of me.

"No" I said barely audible I didn't want to get rid of all my stuff that is all I had left of Eli I couldn't throw it away even if he was with someone else this stuff will be all I had to prove that at one point Eli and I loved each other.

"What was that Saint Clare" Fiona says she is pushing my buttons she knows I hate it when they call me Saint Clare what is she trying to do does she want me to tell her off.

"I am not Saint Clare and I said NO!" I stand up from my bed and look at the girls.

It's Darcy's turn to talk "And why not Saint Clare?" again with the Saint stuff now I am really irritated not only am I losing Eli but I have to be made fun of by my sister and my friends.

"Look I love Eli and deep down I know he still loves me, we are soul mates we belong together and no slut is going to take the love of my life away from me!" I felt so much better after saying that.

"Ok good so here is the plan" Fiona starts "I have to be in the wedding apparently I'm a brides maid, so Alli you stay with Clare on Friday night and on Saturday you and Darcy help her get ready for the wedding. Then Drive her up to the Ballroom where the ceremony is taking place, and Clare once you are there let your inner bitch take over. Become that strong beautiful girl that Eli fell in love with because honey this is your last chance once he says 'I do' it is game over for you."

**Please don't forget to review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Two updates in one day yay! I think I will end the story in two more chapters three tops I will be sad when it ends I really had fun writing my first fanfic. **

**I do not own Degrassi.**

Do you understand now why I am not the one he is going to marry? So now here I am about to watch my first love marry someone else.

I make my way in to the hall through the back door so Bianca can't see me. I can hear her going off on some poor bride's maid about her dress.

"I don't like that dress it is not the way I wanted it, why can't anyone just listen to what I want and do it. It's my wedding day and I want everything perfect!"

It takes me a while to realize she is yelling at Fiona.

"First of all Bianca you gave me a three days' notice about your wedding and I am sorry if I don't dress like a skank like your friends, now either this dress is fine or I don't walk in your wedding, let's see what my boyfriend the best man and Eli's best friend says, it's that simple." I was glad Fiona didn't take crap from Bianca.

"I don't want excuses, just get ready to start" Bianca changed her tone quickly I guess she never expected Fiona to get an attitude, and to tell you the truth neither did I. I need to remind Adam to never make her mad.

I start making my way to where the ceremony is being held it is decorated with bright colors even way too bright for my taste I'm sure Eli does not like it.

I look at the guests and I can't believe it Bianca invited so many of our old class mates but I never got an invitation. Alli sat next to me after going and saying hi to a few friends.

"Clare, are you ready? The ceremony is about to start" she was holding my hand.

"Yeah I guess I am" I never took my eyes off of Eli I needed to see his reaction when Bianca walked down the Aisle.

Everyone started settling down Eli stood up straight and Adam who was standing next to him turned to look directly to where I was sitting and winked at me. I guess Fiona told him I was coming.

The piano player starts playing a soft music and the doors open the first one to walk down the aisle is the flower girl then the bride's maids make their way down the aisle Fiona is the second one she turns and looks at me and smiles. Bianca only has three brides' maids.

My heart starts pounding Alli squeezes my hand to show support. The song changes and Bianca walks out I am not paying attention to anyone or anything around I have my eyes set on Eli.

He looks at Bianca and smiles at her my heart is pounding against my chest and now I squeeze Alli's hand but after Eli smiles at Bianca he looks straight out not at her just at the wall and his smile disappears.

"Did anyone bother to tell her she looks like a cupcake?" Alli snickers.

I try really hard not to giggle at her remark it was really hard but I have to concentrate on what I am about to do.

The ceremony begins and Alli has not let go of my hand, every now and then Adam and Fiona turn to the direction where we are sitting at and give me a reassuring smile.

"Ok Clare this is it remember Eli is the love of your life this is your last chance don't blow it we are here to support you in everything." Alli whispers in my ear as she starts to slowly let my hand go.

I have not been paying attention to the ceremony I have only been waiting for the preacher to say the magic words so I can get up.

I feel a blush rise to my cheeks and my hands start trembling I push the feelings back and take a deep breath.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace" those words finally spill out of the preacher's mouth.

"This is it Clare, go for it" Alli has completely let go of my hand.

I get up with shaky legs 'here is my last chance' I tell myself I make my way to the middle of the aisle and look straight at Eli I feel everyone's eyes on me but I don't care anymore all I want is to tell Eli how I feel to tell him I love him and that I think he is making a huge mistake.

Eli turns when he notices that the preacher won't continue with the ceremony. He locks eyes with me and turns to tell Bianca something. "Eli" I start to say and I hear my voice trembling I take another deep breath and I see that Eli is making his way towards me with Adam and Fiona behind him. I notice someone beside me and realize its Alli.

"What the hell Saint Clare!" I hear Bianca screech from the altar

"Shut up Bianca" both Alli and Fiona yell back.

Eli finally makes it in front of me I put my hand up signaling him to just let me talk.

"Eli just hear me out please, you know this isn't me I don't do stuff like this, but this" I point at him and then at everything around us. "This is not you Eli I know the real you and you can't possibly tell me this is what you really want. I couldn't sit there and do nothing while you get married and ruin both of our lives I couldn't let you throw us away and walk away from the one good thing we both had. I know I messed up I know I should have talked to you about Columbia I should have let you make the decision to stay or go" Tears are already rolling down my face but I try to keep my voice as steady as possible.

"I know that now, Eli just please don't say yes please don't make the same mistake I made by giving up on us I know you still love me I can feel it, or are you going to tell me I'm wrong?." I can see tears in Fiona's and Alli's eyes and Adam has his hand on Eli's shoulder for support. I search Eli's eyes for any sort of emotion. But saw nothing his eyes are vacant they no longer have that shine.

"I had to try Eli I couldn't let you marry her without telling you how I feel without saying I love you one last time without giving you the option of running with me one and getting out of here. I am so sorry for interrupting your wedding please forgive me and tell Bianca I'm sorry I realize you are hers now you no longer belong to me and I will respect that I just had to try." I lost him forever. I look up at his beautiful emerald eyes and give him a kiss on the cheek he doesn't even flinch.

Alli holds my hand again and whispers "I'm sorry Clare let's just go." in my ear. I look at him for the last time before walking out of his life for good.

"Clare I ..."

**Sorry for the cliffhanger. I should have the next chapter up sometime tomorrow, in the meantime please review and let me know what you think will happen next.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews they really meant a lot to me. This is the second to last chapter hope that everyone liked the story. I got a really good idea to end the story yesterday I wish I could have used it but unfortunately I already had the end written up.  
**

**I do not own Degrassi.**

It has been one year two months one week and two hours since the day I interrupted Eli's wedding.

I look at myself in the mirror and examine myself. My curly hair was pinned up by Fiona and I have a little more make up on than I usually wear compliments of Alli.

"May we come in?" My mom and Darcy are poking their heads thru the door.

"Yeah guys come in" I gesture for them.

"Clare honey you are going to be late if you don't put your dress on in the next five minutes." My mom says while heading to my closet to pull out my wedding dress.

"Mom relax the wedding is on our backyard I doubt I will be that late." I turn back around and continue to look at myself in the mirror I can't believe this is me I look so different.

"Clare you are going to give mom a heart attack just please change" Darcy says handing me my dress.

"Ok I will change give me a few minutes then come back and help me zip up my dress ok"

"Sure I will go change into my dress on and be back to help you" my sister says as she walks out the door.

I can't believe I am about to get married, I walk to the window and look at everyone running around in the back yard trying to get everything ready for the ceremony.

I start putting my dress on when Darcy comes back in to help zip up my dress.

"Oh Clare you look beautiful" Darcy compliments me while looking at me up and down. My dress fits perfect it is an A-line white lace dress with a red ribbon that ties at my waist.

"Ok Fi is downstairs she needs to come and put your veil on so let me call her to come up" Darcy heads out the door to call Fiona.

Alli, Fiona, Darcy and Jenna my four brides' maids and Jasmine, Jenna's daughter, my flower girl come in to my room. The Brides maids are wearing A-line red dresses that come up above the knee with a white ribbon tied around the waist. They are all wearing their hair up, and jasmine is wearing a lace dress similar to mine in Ivory with curls and a Tiara in her head.

"Oh my god Clare you look so gorgeous" Alli says while running and hugging me.

"Thank you Alli and it is all thanks to you and Fiona." I said smiling at her.

"Ok I want a picture of all of us before Clare becomes the third Mrs. In the group" Alli says while getting her camera.

"Oh hush Alli you are going to be Mrs. Drew Torres in about three months" I reminded her.

"Am I the only one that is not married or engaged?" Fiona asked. Darcy got married three months after my little outburst in Eli's wedding and Jenna got married six months ago with KC.

"I guess she has no idea that Adam will finally pop the question today" Alli says in my ear. I shoot her a shut up she will hear you look.

"Ok everyone, say cheese" Alli puts the camera down and rushes to be in the picture.

"Ladies it is time to get this show on the road." My dad walks in and hugs me. "Ok let me just put her veil on just one minute there" Fiona says examining to make sure it won't fall of.

We make our way downstairs to wait for the cue that the girls can start walking down the aisle.

"Clare I love you" my dad says while we start walking to the aisle. My heart is raising I close my eyes to calm down and as soon as I do I can only think of one person my first love and his sweet smirk and those beautiful emerald eyes and I still feel butterflies just thinking of him.

I open my eyes and say "I'm ready daddy."

As my dad is walking me down the aisle I look at my husband to be and see him smiling at me and I can see his eyes filling up with tears.

We reach the end of the aisle "Take good care of my baby girl son, she has been through a lot and she deserves happiness." My dad tells my husband to be.

My dad lifts my veil "I love you daddy thank you for everything" I kiss my dad on the cheek and take my fiancé's hand.

The ceremony begins and I let feel tears roll down my face I can't believe I am finally closing a chapter in my life and starting a new one.

The ceremony was going by so fast it is now time for our vows I turn and looked at him he wipes a tear from my cheek and takes my hand and begins.

"I Elijah Goldsworthy take you Clare Edwards to be my wife to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore. I humbly give you my hand and my heart that has been completely yours since the first time I laid eyes on you."

Now it's my turn "I Clare Edwards take you Elijah Goldsworthy to be my husband to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore. I humbly give you my hand and my heart that has been completely yours since the moment our eyes met."

"By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your bride."

Eli looks at me and I can see the tears rolling down his cheeks this is the third time I see him cry this time is not for heart break but of complete happiness. He leans down and kisses me it is gentle and sweet but sincere I feel all the emotions in this kiss his happiness, excitement, love and agony for having to have waited so long to call me completely his.

We pull apart and I whisper "Elijah Goldsworthy I love you with all my heart I have loved since I was sixteen and I will never stop loving you. We are meant to be together forever and I intend on making it that way. "

"Clare Goldsworthy I love you always and forever you are the definition of perfection, I can't think of any other way I would want to spend my life than with you by my side." He gives me a quick peck on the lips.

"I now present you Mr. and Mrs. Elijah Goldsworthy." Everyone around us erupts in cheers and applauses.

"Dude it's about time you made your move." Adam tells Eli, just like he did five years ago when Eli asked me to be his girlfriend.

"Adam you are a great friend thank you for putting up with all our crap then and now." Eli hugs Adam and comes back to me and puts his hand on my waist.

While guest are congratulating us my mom is directing people on how they need to arrange the tables and chairs for the reception.

"Oh my god you guys look so cute." Alli comes and hugs us "Take good care of my best friend Eli, she deserves nothing but the best and I know you are it." She says while holding back tears.

"I will Alli, thank you for being there for me when I needed a friend and for being there for Clare when she needed you the most." Eli hugged Alli and kissed her cheek.

I hug Alli "I could have never done this without you Alli."

"Baby sister I can't believe you are married." Darcy and Peter come and congratulate us.

"Baby boy I always knew Clare and you were meant to be together forever I am sorry your happy ending took a little detour but I am happy that in spite of all that your love was stronger and made it thru everything it was put thru." Cece said while hugging Eli then me "I know you will be a wonderful wife."

"Thank you Cece."

"I love you Elijah you too Clare I am honored to call you my daughter-in –law" Bullfrog said with tears in his eyes.

Eli leads me to the center of the dance floor were my dad is at and gives me a kiss before my dad takes my hand for the daughter/father dance.

"I am glad you guys could finally make it work Clare" my dad says as we dance to the music in the background.

"I am too I can't believe after everything that happened we are finally husband and wife."

"Well aren't you glad you interrupted that wedding now even though we raised you to never pull stunts like that." My dad says chuckling.

"I had to dad I couldn't lose him, but I actually thought I was going to lose him when he didn't say anything I had given up until 'Clare I love you more than life please don't walk away from me again' came out of his mouth." The music is still playing my dad spins me around.

"Well I knew since the day you first brought him home when you were just friends that he would be the one that would steal my baby girl from me." His eyes started to get watery as he spoke.

"How did you know daddy?" I asked looking in his eyes.

"Because he looked at you the way I look at your mother the same way he is looking at you now." I turn and see Eli with his hands in his pocket and his eyes brighter than ever.

"I love you dad thank you for always believing in us." I hug him tighter as the song ends we are both in tears.

**I know that everyone was surprised that I picked Bianca but I wanted someone completely opposite of Clare. Please don't forget to review.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This is it the last chapter I am so sad to end this story mostly because I think this last chapter was a total fail but I wanted to tie some loose ends. I hope that everyone still likes it though. Thank you to everyone who has put up with the really depressing parts of the story I hope that no one is disappointed but if you are let's blame it on my sore throat. See even sick I still updated twice in one day.**

**I sadly do not own Degrassi or Taylor Swift.**

Eli makes his way to us and hugs my dad and then takes my hand "may I have this dance?"

Crazier by Taylor swift begins to play.

'_I've never gone with the wind  
Just let it flow  
Let it take me where it wants to go  
Till you open the door  
There's so much more  
I've never seen it before_

_I was trying to fly  
But I couldn't find wings  
Then you came along  
And you changed everything'_

"I love you so much Clare you changed me for the best." He places a kiss on my cheek.

'_You lift my feet off the ground  
Spin me around  
You make me crazier, crazier  
Feels like I'm falling and I  
I'm lost in your eyes  
You make me crazier,  
Crazier, crazier_

_Watched from a distance as you  
Made life your own  
Every sky was your own kind of blue  
And I wanted to know  
How that would feel  
And you made it so real'_

"I regret wasting so much time to finally get here Eli."

"Don't regret it, yes it sucked but maybe this is the way it was supposed to be always. We matured and realized that even in different countries our love was just too strong to ever go away."

"So you are ok with waiting all this time to call me completely yours?"

"It just makes it better Clare the anticipation the agony everything I would do it all over again if I was guaranteed that I would end up with you like this." He kisses my lips now.

'_You showed me something that I couldn't see  
Opened my eyes and you made me believe'_

"I love you Eli"

_'You lift my feet off the ground  
Spin me around  
You make me crazier, crazier  
Feels like I'm falling and I  
I'm lost in your eyes  
You make me crazier,  
Crazier, crazier, oh_

_Baby, you showed me what living is for  
I don't want to hide anymore_'

"I love you too Mrs. Goldsworthy"

_'You lift my feet off the ground  
You spin me around  
You make me crazier, crazier  
Feels like I'm falling and I  
I'm lost in your eyes  
You make me crazier,  
Crazier, crazier,  
Crazier, crazier'_

The song ends and Eli leads me to a table.

"I would like to make a toast for the lovely couple" Adam is raising his glass.

"I never met two people as stubborn as Eli and Clare, sometimes that is a bad thing to be that stubborn but in this case it was good if it wasn't for their stubbornness we wouldn't be here today. They never gave up on love even when other would tell them to let love go they never did. To Eli and Clare and to true love may everyone in this room find it."

"Cheers" everyone in the party says.

The reception was just as I had imagined it would be, small with only our family and close friends to share this special moment with us.

"So Clare bear are you nervous about your wedding night?" Alli asked me. We were sitting in a table with Jenna, Darcy and Fiona.

"Alli I really don't think that is any of your business." I started blushing.

"Oh come on Saint Clare after all this time that pretty abstinence ring of your is finally going to be taken of your finger I'm sure you are nervous." Alli was not going to let this go unless I gave her something.

"Wait you mean to tell me that you and Eli have never done it?" Jenna sounded shocked.

"No we never did, back then I was too young and was not prepared yet and after Eli and I finally got back together we wanted to wait to really get to know each other again and when we got engaged we just decided that if we had waited this long we might as well wait till after the wedding."

"That is super sweet Clare" Fiona says

The reception is almost over "Eli I want to say thank you to Adam and Alli before we leave." He kisses the top of my head and we make our way over to Adam and Fiona.

"Adam" I hug him really tight "Thank you so much for everything I don't know what I would have done without you all those years, you were my rock and you never left my side no matter how stupid I was acting. I don't think anyone else would have put up with it. Fiona is a very lucky girl to have found you."

Adam has tears in his eyes "Clare you and Eli were the first people to accept me even before my family. I would never leave you in a time of need you are and will always be one of my best friends I love you like a sister and I am just glad everything worked out."

"Machismo you are my best friend and I really don't think I can ever repay you for everything you have done for us." The guys share a hug and Fiona and I try to hold back tears.

Alli walks up to us with Drew. "I hope you don't forget me now that you are married." She chuckles trying not to cry.

"I could never forget you Alli you are the best friend a girl like me could ever have. You put excitement in my life if it was not for you I would have never had 'The talk' with my mom. I love you so much and nothing will ever change that."

"I love you too Clare you are like the sister I never had and if it wasn't for you who knows what kind of trouble I would have gotten in." We say our good byes. Eli and I walk over to my parents and his to say bye since we won't see them until after the honeymoon.

"I love you mom and dad I will call you when we get back in town." I hug my parents and Eli and I walk out to Morty.

As we are driving off I think back to that conversation I had with my grandma all those years ago.

"_How does that saying go 'If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.' That's what I did Nana I had to let him go."_

"_But what if you push love away does that saying still apply?" She asked _

"_I hope so Nana because I did this for him."_

I guess it still applied because Eli has and will always be mine.

"You ok blue eyes?" Eli asks kissing my hand and pulling me out of my memories.

"Never better Goldsworthy." I lay my head in his shoulder as we head to his I mean our apartment.

**I hope everyone liked it and if you did good and if you didn't again it's all my sore throats fault. Tell me what you think of my writing should I continue or did I just killed it and should just stop now. Maybe I should do a sequel to this one I don't know let me know what you think. **

**Please do not forget to review**


	13. Chapter Authors Note New Story

Thanks to Bree I am writing the sequel to this story starting from Eli's and Clare's first night together I hope everyone likes it please don't forget to review. The new story is going to be titled The Beginning of Forever and it is going to be from their first night together to a few years in to the marriage and of course Adam, Fiona, Alli, Drew Darcy and Peter are going to be in it and a few other characters as well. I should have the first chapter up in a few minutes please review and let me know if it's any good or if I should just just leave it alone and end it where I left it.


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